Oh was I wrong.
Rough estimate of what was going on in my stomach
At about 2 am (only asleep for about two and half hours) I woke up with heartburn so unbearable that I immediately shoveled down three tums tablets and a generous swig of pepto-bismol. What ensued was another hour of sitting up trying to get my stomach settled (which wasn't all that terrible, I caught up on 200 Chicagoist stories). I tried water, followed that up with 7up to make me burp, which didn't work because the 7up was flat (blast!). I finally found some diet tonic water in the back of the fridge that still had some fizz. Good thing I like tonic water.
When I finally managed to crawl into bed at around 330, I had a good three more hours of shuteye to get before having to get up and shower. So, instead of feeling nice and well-rested, I'm groggy as hell and cannot wait to crawl into bed tonight, most likely at around 9 and sans dinner. I won't get home until 730 and I'm not eating that close to when I go to sleep.
Naturally, I thought to myself: "what did I eat last night that could have made my stomach upset?" Truth be told I had been feeling some upset stomach this weekend as well, but nothing on the scale of the volcano churning in my stomach last night. So I jotted down everything I've eaten since we left Australia. It, well, explains everything:
On the plane: Two meals: dinner and breakfast. What they are is unimportant. It's airline food for god's sake. Plus I had five gin and tonics on that flight.
Upon arriving at LAX: California Pizza Kitchen five cheese variety
Upon arriving home that night: Dona Naty's, chorizo burrito with rice and beans
Saturday: Chipotle for Lunch, followed by Thai for dinner
Sunday: Starbucks breakfast sandwich for lunch, followed by chicken wings, burgers, turkey chili, cupcakes, and beer for football.
Monday: Starbucks coffee cake for breakfast, turkey sandwich with Hot Buffalo Wing Pretzel Pieces, and three Whole Foods chicken sausages for dinner with cupcakes as a dessert.
All in all, I probably gained 5 pounds and gave myself acid reflux disease in five days. Oh, and I haven't had a real poo in three days. That's making me more nervous than anything. I may have to resort to buying fiber.
I think it's time I eat a little better. Salad, tofu, real vegetables, cut down on the meat, and lots of WATER. I basically need to start cooking again. I'll let you know how this goes. I promise to not let you know when I poo.